I write.

I write to tell you stories I may forget
Someday.
I write with the hope that you will read.
Someday.
I write with the hope that you will know me.
Someday.
I write for you to dream, the dreams i built with you in mind.
Someday.
I write for you to know yourself
Someday
I write for you.

Happy Birthday to Me

What was the 7 months silence all about. Buzy beyond words can tell.

Thoughts For Two

I thought a lot when I was pregnant with Ryan.
I was thinking if I can manage a baby.
I was thinking how my life would change with a little one around.
I was constantly (obsessively) thinking about my weight, watching it closely and praying hard it would not tip over the point of no return.
I was thinking how Ryan would look like, what kind of person he will grow up to be.
I was thinking if Ryan would like me (more than anyone else).
I prayed that Ryan will be a healthy kid - spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially.

I am still thinking of these things now. and even more.
I hope that they will like one another and get along well.
I hope Ryan will not feel any less-loved with his little brother around.
I hope we won't be mental with two boys in the house.
I prayed that I will have enough love and patience to keep everything in balance.

Real Love, Not.

There is not real love in the world - and there is no unconditional love among human. So, don't bother investing and being all hopeful about it. What we deemed as love is nothing more than just a transaction. A dependency. An unhealthy dependency. When we love, we will always expect something in return - we want their love in return, we want their care, we want their companionship, we want whatever they can offer us. or we do it for our own gratification - to feel alive, to feel important, to feel we are someone, to feel life is something worth living for.

I sat there listening to him while others kept looking at me for some response. I kept quiet. Every year, I look forward to meeting new students - hoping to meet young minds with unconventional thoughts. I don't get lucky every year, I must say.

Spook around the crooks.

I had a couple of interesting things happened at home recently. There have been accounts of paranormal experiences in the house we are living in. Few days ago, Stevie claimed that he felt a light tap on his shoulder in the night right at the back of the house, where our wet kitchen is. He had claimed, in different incidents, he thought he heard me calling him, but I was no where near him in those events. Ryan developed some outdoor fear a couple of months ago - he just refused to go out to the porch area, more specifically he didn't dare to look up to the sky, always hiding under the shelter. Come to think about it, sometimes, weird things do crop up in the house. There was a Ryan's electronic bouncy balls just swung into action out of no where. It has been on really low battery, or rather dysfunctional from all the battering Ryan and his cousins has done to it.

I never took these to heart, really. But today, Stevie owned up to me that he has spoken to one of our friends, who visited the house while it was under renovation before we moved in. This friend claims he has the third eye, and apparently he saw something - unpleasant - sitting on top of our roof. Tempted to give the description, but don't think that will nice. Coincidentally or not, the same place Ryan had refused to look at for the past months.

Our friend suggested us to go pay a visit to the 'datuk' few doors away, give some offering or some sort so 'he' will take care of the unwanted visitors. Or even have salt thrown around the house.

We joked about if we need some holy water to be sprinkled around the house, or even if we should consult our mothers.

I study psychology - about the skepticism science toward paranormal. I believe.
I believe in spirits, because I believe in God.
I believe if it is all real, they shall not be able to disturb us, unless we tempt fate.
I believe if the heart is right, there is nothing to fear.

What do you believe?
Is this real? Happy Halloween ...

I Simply love

I simply love...

How your eyes widen when something amuses you.
How your eyes and mouth widen at the sight of food.
How your deafening scream when you find us hiding behind the door.
How your face glows with great sense of achievement when you put the puzzles together.
How you imitated the Olympic swimming routine you saw on TV - you swam on the floor at lightning speed.
How you fake a frown when you bid goodbye to me, and changed instantly to a cheeky smile.
How you roll over and put your arms over my shoulder when you were going to sleep.
To watch you falling asleep, and waking up.
To play with your little fingers while you are sleeping.
How you squint your eyes and called 'BahBah' loudly.
How you say (and insist) the alphabet C is indeed a Moon.
How you sing (in your own language).
How excited you get to see me home.
The way your hand taps on our backs when you hug.
How you kick a ball so skillfully
How you pretended to be a goal keeper rolling on the floor with the ball.
How you call Bob The Builder as Bobby.

How you bark after the neighbour's dog.
Your inquisitive mind when reading (looking at) books.
When you run to me for comfort in distress.
You.

Wannabe

Among the many things he wants to become.